The art of not getting angry

Yesterday I went to see a musical I was looking forward to for an entire year. After having dinner with my boyfriend we headed towards the theater. We were quite late already so that the lobby and the cloak room were nearly completely empty. I was busy getting out of my bulky winter coat and stepped towards the outer edge of the cloak room desk to put down gloves, hat, etc. in order not to  get tangled up. The lady behind the desk asked for the next person to hand over their coat. I wasn’t at all intending to hand over mine as I still had one arm and half a shoulder somewhere inside it. But there was an older man standing beside me looking at me full of expectation. So I said: “You may go ahead.”. I’d say that I’m generally a well-behaved person but the man didn’t think so. He blurted: “Well, I was first in line anyway!”. He obviously didn’t notice that there was no line and that I was merely undressing. And I was so baffled, I wasn’t able to say a word. Apparently I left such an impression though that I heard him muttering to his wife as they left about the impertinence that just happened to him.

Same place, same day, 10 minutes later

We took our seats on the very left side of the theater. We noticed that they were 7 or 8 empty seats right next to us promising a better view. So when the show was about to start we softly slid a few seats further carefully paying attention that nobody would sit directly behind us.

Apparently we weren’t careful enough.

A second after we sat down a woman from somewhere diagonally behind us poked my boyfriend. She must have stretched her arm tremendously as she wasn’t even sitting close to us. He turned around to hear her viperous whisper: “Your seats are on the side, you can’t just take these seats and block my entire view! I will call the staff!” Obediently, we moved.

How to react?

In my mind I was getting more and more angry the longer I thought about it. All the things I could have said!
Can’t you ask politely?
Maybe you should have rented the entire theater!
Try to get the stick out of your butt! (German saying)
The staff will probably call the police who will then handcuff us. HAHA
I said none of the above but I would have loved to cause a scene (in my mind I did) but perhaps it’s for the best to do some things in your mind only. I probably wouldn’t have been happier by throwing all my anger at that woman. Instead I believe in bad karma.

Things I worried about yesterday

Ok, so I shouldn’t be trusting my brain and emotions at this point.  I have not slept enough, or drank water and I have consumed enough coffee to power South Africa during a blackout – but my brain was so so worried about things. Weird things.

Here are the random collection of concerns that ran across my mind. Do other people ever worry about this stuff. I’m starting to think that I want a brain transfusion.

1. Are women too gentle and non-assertive in meetings, and does this sense of compassion hinder or help overall business objectives.
2. Why are people in power inconsistent in what they say they believe and what they do. Am I that inconsistent, and how often do I do this?
3. Does it matter if you down all your water in a day or should you drink evenly throughout the day. If its equal amounts, surely it doesn’t matter.
4. How do you explain to someone they don’t understand the concept entirely without hurting their ego or diminishing their buy-in.
5.  Do you get less intelligent around people who are (factually) less intelligent than you over time.
6. Are younger people too idealistic; or have older people allowed ideals to erode over time – making societies fiber lessen over time
7. Is the best philosophy in business and life ‘simplicity’, or is this in and of itself too simple
8. If your convictions are completely ingrained in you, even if they are wrong, will that be enough for you to succeed.
9. Why do people glorify extended hours of working, and who are the smart people who got us to buy in to that idea
10. Could I make money from finding upcoming bands
11. Does utter transparency on all matters in social relationships better trust and depth of that relationship(s)
12. What % of the global population over-inflate their sense of self and what % of the global population under-estimate their sense of self
13. When should trust your gut feeling and when should you critically think
14. Is working with friends and family as bad as it is made to sound
15. Can you re-wire your body to cope on less sleep over time, or is a persons genetic make up wired to need a certain amount
16. Is Tinder, a smart way to date
17. When you date someone – should you not be wholly complete and not try and find completeness in someone else
18. Why are we scared of people so much
19. Are anti-materialists just finding social status and admiration in another way

Just to clear one thing up. I didn’t actively resolve any one of these questions. I just pushed them to the back of my mind.

It can be fun being clueless

The other day I came home after work – very tired. I hadn’t made up my mind what to eat this evening and my stomach was about to make a salto mortale. It was raining cats and dogs which didn’t spur my motivation to head to the supermarket (although it’s really just a 2 minute walk – darn laziness!).
So I asked my fridge what it had to offer. The answer seemed quite disillusioning at first: Ketchup, half a bottle of wine, 2 eggs, half a glass of pickles, some cream cheese, cold cuts. What a feast. I didn’t really have a choice, did I? So I cut everything worth cutting and mixed it with the remainder of the ingredients. Except for the white wine – that would have been disgusting. I downed it while cooking. In any case the result turned out to be surprisingly good and I was quite proud of myself for being a leftover magician.

3 other no-clue activities

There are other things though that I enjoy not knowing beforehand.

1) Going to the movies
Yes, you can go to Sneak Previews. It can be fun. It can also be horrible. I personally have had a devastating experience in a sneak preview. I rather go to the movie theater and choose a movie that a) sounds nice and/or b) which has an appealing movie poster. I don’t watch the trailer and I don’t read the summary before I go. That way I sort of make sure that the movie meets my taste somehow and usually it turns out better than I expect because I can’t expect much from not knowing the plot.
PS: Works well with DVDs too.

2) Improvisation theatre
I looove improvisation theatre. There is no set story, no pre-outlined characters. It’s just the actors and the audience. If you’re lucky you even get to influence the developing story. As far as I know it’s mostly comedy which is great after a whole day of being serious.

3) Ordering food in a foreign language
Okay, this can be dangerous. To your taste at least. You are on vacation in some foreign country and decide to head out for dinner. The menu is written in the country’s native language and you DON’T want to have the English menu. The waiter comes around and you just point at one of the dishes. Then you’ll wait for the surprise. You shouldn’t be a moaner though.
If you are, rather go to a restaurant with English menus and let your partner or friend choose your dish. A good way to see how well they know you too.

5 things to remember when stuff sucks

I’m just in an awfully great mood, which is most likely setting the stage for a blog post that seems happy and content and all those wonderful positive things.

It might change by this evening, but here is the really cool stuff I think of, whenever I’m sitting and staring blankly at the wall – trying to figure out how I got in a particular situation…

5 Things to Remind yourself when stuff sucks. 

Next year, you wont remember this feeling or idea. If you do, then go see someone (I’m not joking). Your mental health is important. A few days of real unhappiness is normal; we all have days where we’re the darkest shade of the saddest blue. In reality, whatever it is you’re dealing with will most likely have faded out next year this time.

If you’re really trying to hunt for good in the situation; it’ll pop up. I’ll let you in on some personal character flaws here. I never ever thought about actively trying to look for good stuff; until a few months ago. I thought it was the silliest thing EVER; to stop and think about the great (smallest) things that were good.

As many of my dearest analyst-armchair-philosopher friends tell me; “You don’t know until you try it”. So I did. I remember one day, the only thing I could write was: “I showered. I’m alive. I can buy cigarettes” – It didn’t make me feel better.

I took a better look at my list, and these days I don’t not take a few minutes to reflect on something awesome or good in my life.

[JUST START WRITING GOOD STUFF DOWN FOR A WHILE. IT CATCHES ON]

Its not as bad as it seems. Sort of like point one, where next year this time it wont exist. Some people tell me its not as bad as it seems, and it sounds way to easy to just think “ok, this isnt thaaat, bad“. I wanted to smack a few people who told me that. But….Guess what? They were 100% correct.

It took me getting out of my own brain, and getting a bit more involved in the external world before I realised that too much time on my hands really aggravated the smallest situation into a monsoon in my mind.

Tea and bed solve global issues. Please write this down, and share with loved ones.

Seriously. My mom swears by it, and I love it. When all the world is treating you poorly, and your heart is just sad and your brain is just nowhere. Go put that kettle on, go make that herbal tea you love and get a solid 12 hours sleep. Rest and rejuvenation go a long way in giving perspective.

If it doesn’t help more than 1%, know that sometimes things will suck for a while. Sometimes it just seems like nothing can change for the better. Hold out, because you’re one of the lucky ones who gets to turn around and say “I made it out of that awful time with tea, perspective and getting busy living”